Oh To Be ShangHaied
by Scarlett8
Summary: Shang-haied: when people accost you on your birthday and dress you in absurd clothing. Hermione is surprised by some friends on her 18th birthday, will she also recieve a surprise from Snape? SSHG oneshot fluffy and funny!


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with Harry Potter.

A/N: Just to let you know, this will be a Severus/Hermione one-shot and if you don't agree with the pairing, then don't read it…I find them very romantic though…sigh…dreamy potions master. Anyway, if you're reading this and you think "Does anyone ever really get shang-haid?" the answer is yes, people do it ALL the time at my school, it's very embarrassing, but hilarious of course when it's not happening to you. And if you have no idea what being shang-haid is, just read the story and you will soon find out!

Severus Snape was fed up. It was possibly the worst day of his life. Well, maybe that was a slight exaggeration but it certainly felt like it was. His seventh years came strolling in.

'Great, Slytherin and Gryffindor double Potions…" he thought in the back of his mind. These were his worst classes. The two houses were constantly bickering, not that he didn't contribute to it sometimes but couldn't he get a little reprieve from the fighting?

His eyebrows shot up as soon as Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked through the door.

"And what, may I ask you are wearing Miss Granger?" He gravely took in her appearance, one side of her hair in a lopsided ponytail and the other side down, the shocking blue eyeshadow smeared on her eyes, the bright lipstick on her lips and an 18 written in the same lipstick on her blushing cheeks. She was wearing a Quidditch robe, jeans with soccer shorts over them, one leg of the jeans was rolled up to reveal a sock going up to her knee with two stripes on either side, the other pantleg was down. She had fairy wings taped to the back of the quidditch robe and a tiara atop her lopsided hair. 

"Why on earth are you dressed so…so…atrociously?"

Hermione blushed a deeper shade of red and sent livid looks to Lavender and Parvati.  

"Well, you see Professor, Lavender, Parvati, and Ginny thought that it would be funny to shang-hai me."

"And what, pray tell, is 'shang-haid'?" sneered the Professor.

Lavender giggled and raised her hand. 

"Miss Brown, I believe I was addressing Miss Granger but if you must…proceed."

"To shang-hai someone is to accost them, on their birthday, and dress them in extremely absurd clothing to signify to everyone that it is their birthday." She turned to Hermione, "Really, we did it out of love!"

Hermione only glared at the two girls.

"Doesn't the headmaster have something to say about you being out of your school robes?" Professor Snape addressed Hermione.

"Apparently," another scowl from Hermione, "They got it cleared with him before they did it. He found it quite amusing." Hermione looked as if she could strangle the headmaster at the moment.

"I didn't know it was Hermione's birthday!" Seamus piped up from the back of the room.

Ron and Harry tried to hold in laughter. "Well, technical this is her birthday with the time she gained using the time-turner. Hey, we wanted her to be surprised, we couldn't do it on her real eighteenth birthday, she'd suspect something!" Ron smiled.

"So you guys were in on it too?" Hermione said looking extremely incensed. "I thought it was just Lavender, Parvati, and Ginny!"

"Actually," Parvati piped in, "It was Harry's idea. Apparently muggles do it to their friends and Harry mentioned it to all of us, we thought it was hilarious."

"Where was I when all of this was happening?" Hermione asked.

"Where you always are, in the library." Harry said, somewhat amused.

"As stimulating as this conversation is, we must go to the even more stimulating subject of medicinal potions."

The entire class groaned but was quickly silenced by one look from the Potions Master.

"Miss Granger, if you ever come to class dressed like that again, I shall have no other choice but to give you a detention."

'That's alright Professor, she won't ever come like this again, you know Hermione, she would never do this purposefully, it would be too much fun." Parvati said in a teasing manner.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" bristled Hermione.

"Oh, come one Hermione, you never just joke around…"

"You never have, even when we were younger."

"Yeah, you were always so serious."

"You always thought that having fun was a 'trivial matter.'"

"And you were always to afraid of getting in trouble."

"Yeah, remember in sixth year when we played truth or dare, you wouldn't do any of the dares!"

"Face it 'Mione, you've never done anything shocking in your entire life!"

"That's not true! I can be fun and shocking!" Hermione said to Ron, Harry, Lavender, and Parvati. 

"Miss Granger, as we all know, everything they said was true. Now as enlightening as that outburst was I will have to take away five points from Gryffindor for the outburst."

All the Gryffindors sighed at the professor.

"Each," he added in a sneer.

Hermione silenced Ron who was about to get more points taken away.

"And Miss Granger, since you seem to be the cause of all the recent outbursts, see me after class."

The rest of the class went by without incident. If you call the normal Slytherin-Gryffindor bickering 'without incident' that is. 

Professor Snape immersed himself in grading to take his mind off of the unruly students, very soon the bell rang and gave way to silence. 

Severus Snape sighed as his silence was broken by a certain Gryffindor "aheming" to get his attention.

"Yes, Miss Granger?"

"You wanted to see me after class sir?"

"Oh yes," he had actually quite forgotten. "Granger, will you kindly fix your appearance? I keep losing my train of thought whenever I look at you," he sneered at the embarrassed girl.

Hermione blushed and with a wave of her wand her hair was back to its normal, bushy self, and her make-up was gone, leaving only a tint of gloss and the natural flush in her cheeks. She then rolled down her pantleg and removed the fairy wings and quidditch cape. She still looked odd, but it was better at least. 

Once she was finished she looked up at him, waiting for him to speak.

"Miss Granger, you caused quite a lot of stir this morning, I don't see why I shouldn't give you detention. 

"Please sir," she entreated him. "I really didn't mean to cause a stir…it just sort of happened."

"Why did you encourage it?"

"I didn't! Do you think I wanted to be shang-haid?"

"No, but you were talking out in class."

"Only when they said that I've never shocked anyone in my entire life." She harumphed, clearly still wounded by the comment.

"You aren't the shocking type," he jeered at her. 

Hermione merely glowered at him.

"If you insist on glaring at me, then maybe I will give you detention."

"But professor…"

"No wait, I have a better idea," both heads turned to see Dumbledore standing in the doorway.

"Miss Granger will receive extra credit and no detention if she finds a way to shock you in thirty minutes, Severus. How does that sound?"

Hermione glowed at the thought of extra credit but Severus looked irritated. 

"You expect me to give extra credit to this girl?" 

"Only if she shocks you."

"But Albus…"

"No need in arguing Severus, I've made up my mind. I think it's a perfect challenge for a girl's eighteenth birthday." Dumbledore smiled at Hermione, wished her good-luck and left.

"Well, on with it Miss Granger, shock me if you dare," Severus mocked her slightly.

"Hmm…" Hermione stood there pensively for several minutes.

"BOO!" she shouted in the loudest voice she possessed. Severus merely looked at her, well actually glared at her and went back to grading his paper.

Hermione resumed pacing the room, thinking of what she could possibly do to shock this man who's seen everything. She had twenty minutes left. Maybe she should…blow up a cauldron! Yes, that would certainly shock him! 

She pointer her wind a was about to mutter something when Severus without looking up from his papers said, "If you break or blow up anything in my classroom you will not only have to pay for the damages you will also serve detention with Filch. Do I make myself clear?"

Hermione was now at a loss for words. What was she to do? Oh well, she had fifteen minutes left. Hmm…what to do next? She could…flash him, no way in hell would she do that. Hermione shook her head. Extra credit didn't mean that much to her. 

Ah! An idea had come to her. "Professor Snape," she addressed him. "In my third year Draco Malfoy, who is an insufferable git, made me so mad that I slapped him across the face." Hermione looked triumphantly to the potions master.

"Yes, I've heard of that incident." The professor still hadn't looked up.

Geez! Could she ever shock that man? She had no idea how he'd found out about that…must've gotten around somehow.

She stood there thinking for quite sometime, looking up to see Professor Snape's euphoric face saying, "You have only one minute and fifty-two seconds to shock me."

Hermione was getting a little panicky by now, she just couldn't have detention! And not to mention, she really wanted that extra credit.

"A minute thirty," Severus' voice rang through the dungeon. He stood up and walked her to the door.

"Professor, I still have a minute left!" Hermione said, surprised.

"Yes, but what can you do in a minute?" He said in a mocking tone.

"This!" and before Hermione realized what she was doing she grasped her professor by the collar and gently pulled him down to her lips. Her hand found its way into his hair. She noted that it wasn't greasy like she thought it would be, it was soft and thick. She felt his mouth stiffen in shock and gradually soften to melt into her lips. His hand wrapped around her waist. The kiss deepened and then stopped altogether.

Hermione stepped back and looked at her professor in fear. Not fear of what she had done, but fear of how much she had liked it. 

"Did I shock you?" Hermione asked timidly.

"You could say that," Severus said right before pulling her to him once again. It was her birthday after all, she deserved a little something from him.

A/N: What'd ya think? I know, I should be finishing my other two stories, but alas, I had to write this!


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